No two humans share the same mind.
This means that each time a person hears a word, a slightly different meaning is registered depending on the person’s experiences, thoughts, emotions, and knowledge.
That’s awfully philosophical, you might think, yet it is completely relevant to what we’re about to discuss today:
After all, you might read the mark scheme and then decide that you understand what a Level 6 under Content and Structure means when it says: “Many well-defined and developed ideas and images create a convincing overall picture with varieties of focus.”…
But what does it really mean to define or develop an idea? 🧐
What does it mean to even create a ‘convincing’ picture? 😰
As we discussed the other day, it is very important to have good examples to make sure that your understanding of the criteria and the mark scheme actually reflects that of an examiner and more importantly that of someone who has a seasoned understanding of the English language and its capacity to create specific forms of writer’s effect.
Chances are, you read our set of sample essays for IGCSE narrative composition the other day – thank you for sharing them with your friends and also for enjoying them!
With that in mind…
Here are two completely free descriptive composition essays for you!
Once again, each essay is written to match a specific level descriptor, has been validated with the experience of our team, and reflects the way that we would assign marks based on the mark scheme.
Also, there will also be an interesting surprise for you at the end of this post.
So what are you waiting for? Let’s go!
We’ll start with two essays from the Winter 2022 Paper 2 Variant 2 in the Descriptive and Narrative Composition section; more examples will come soon as well.
Without further ado, here are the examples!
First, let’s look at a Level 4 essay.
Write a description with the title, ‘By the light of the Moon’. (Winter 2022, Paper 2, Variant 2).
Bathed in the ethereal silver glow, the sleepy village nestled amidst the embrace of hills, a blanket of peace enshrouding it. The moon, like a watchful guardian, cast its pale light upon the quiet streets, as night creatures began their nocturnal dance. The distant howl of a wolf echoed through the valley, a haunting melody that seemed to resonate with the very core of the hills.
Wandering along the cobblestone path, I beheld the moon’s reflection shimmering upon the surface of the tranquil lake. A gentle breeze whispered through the swaying trees, their shadows stretching like slender fingers across the ground. The night was alive with a symphony of sounds; the rustle of leaves, the chirping of crickets, and the distant murmur of a flowing stream.
The ghostly outline of the ancient stone bridge loomed ahead, its timeworn arches bearing the weight of centuries. As I crossed it, I could feel the coolness of the stones beneath my feet, worn smooth by the passage of countless travelers. The murmuring stream beneath the bridge seemed to carry whispered secrets, tales of love and loss, joy and sorrow.
Beyond the bridge, the path meandered through a moonlit meadow, where delicate wildflowers nodded beneath the lunar radiance. The sweet scent of honeysuckle hung heavy in the air, mingling with the subtle fragrance of dew-kissed grass. A lone owl perched on a gnarled branch, its piercing eyes observing the world below with an air of detached wisdom.
As I continued my journey, I stumbled upon a secluded glade bathed in the moon’s luminescence. The serenity of the scene was amplified by the soft glow illuminating the dewdrops resting on blades of grass, giving the impression of a field of twinkling stars. The distant hoot of an owl and the gentle rustling of leaves in the breeze provided a soothing soundtrack to this enchanting tableau.
The path eventually led me to an abandoned cottage, its once-vibrant facade now weathered and worn. Vines and ivy crept up the walls, reclaiming their territory from the intrusion of human habitation. The moonlight filtered through the broken windows, casting eerie patterns on the crumbling interior, a testament to the passage of time and the impermanence of all things.
The moon’s light gradually waned as it continued its celestial journey, leaving the village to slumber in the darkness of night. As the last remnants of silver light retreated, I too turned back towards the village, carrying the memory of this enchanted nocturnal world within my heart.
Comment:
The essay demonstrates Level 4 in terms of content and structure (W1 and W2). The content is relevant with some development, offering a cohesive description of a moonlit night in a village. The structure is competently managed, guiding the reader through various settings such as the village, lake, bridge, meadow, glade, and the abandoned cottage. However, the essay does not reach Level 5 or 6, as the imagery and details could be more vivid and engaging.
Regarding style and accuracy (W3 to W5), the essay employs simple vocabulary and straightforward sentence structures, such as “The ghostly outline of the ancient stone bridge loomed ahead.” The essay maintains a simple register with a general awareness of the context. There are occasional minor errors in punctuation and grammar but they do not detract from the overall readability.
To improve this essay, the writer could use more evocative language, draw on a wider range of sensory details, and incorporate more complex sentence structures. In the essay, some phrases could be improved to make the descriptions more vivid and engaging. For instance, “A gentle breeze whispered through the swaying trees” could be rephrased as “A gentle breeze caressed the swaying trees, their leaves rustling like whispered secrets.” By incorporating stronger imagery, the writer can create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Additionally, the essay could benefit from a wider range of sensory details. While it effectively conveys visual and auditory elements, it could include more tactile, olfactory, and gustatory descriptions to create a richer sensory experience. For example, the writer could mention the cool, damp earth underfoot, the scent of damp earth mingling with the honeysuckle, or the taste of the crisp night air.
In terms of sentence structure, the essay relies heavily on simple and compound sentences. To elevate the writing, the author could use more complex and varied sentence structures, which would add interest and rhythm to the prose. For example, “The night was alive with a symphony of sounds; the rustle of leaves, the chirping of crickets, and the distant murmur of a flowing stream” could be rephrased as “The night reverberated with a symphony of sounds, as the rustle of leaves intertwined with the chirping of crickets, all underscored by the distant murmur of a flowing stream.”
To improve their writing, the author could study literary works that are known for their evocative descriptions and varied sentence structures. One such book is “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee. This novel is an excellent example of how to create vivid, engaging descriptions using sensory details and varied sentence structures. By reading and analyzing such works, the writer can gain insight into effective techniques for descriptive writing and apply them to their own compositions.
Next, let’s look at a Level 6 essay.
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Comment:
Content (Table A):
The essay effectively captures the essence of a magical and enchanting moonlit night through vivid descriptions and sensory details. The author takes the reader on a journey through a series of beautifully crafted scenes that paint a picture of a world transformed by the light of the moon. The narrative is engaging and cohesive, building upon each scene to create a sense of progression and a clear storyline. The essay effectively conveys the emotions and experiences of the narrator, making the reader feel as though they too are experiencing the magic of the night. Overall, the content of the essay is well-structured, creative, and effectively conveys the author’s intended message.
Language (Table B):
The language used in the essay is rich, poetic, and evocative. The author skillfully employs a variety of literary devices, including imagery, metaphor, and personification, to create a vivid and immersive world. The vocabulary used is precise and carefully chosen, adding depth and nuance to the descriptions. The essay’s sentence structures vary in length and complexity, creating a sense of rhythm and flow that draws the reader in. The language is also grammatically correct and free of spelling errors, allowing the reader to focus on the beauty of the prose. Overall, the language used in the essay is exceptional, effectively creating a world that is both enchanting and captivating.
To improve this essay, the writer could focus on incorporating an even wider range of sensory details to create an even more immersive experience for the reader. Although the visual and auditory elements are well-developed, adding more tactile, olfactory, and gustatory details could elevate the descriptions further.
To continue refining their writing skills, the author could study literary works known for their vivid descriptions and lyrical prose. One such book is “The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald. This novel is renowned for its evocative imagery and rich language, making it an excellent resource for writers seeking to improve their descriptive writing abilities. By reading and analyzing such works, the writer can gain valuable insights into effective techniques for creating immersive and engaging descriptions.
Okay, and we’re done! 🙂
I hope that you enjoyed this post, and that you will find it valuable!
If you did, do feel free to share it with your friends! We will proceed onwards with descriptive writing examples pretty soon – these will be part of the membership site component of the site materials, and we will also create more of these materials for you soon!
Thank you once again, and we look forward to sharing more with you soon!
V.
P.S. Also, we’re just putting the finishing touches on the Descriptive and Narrative Composition book that we promised a while back. HUGE thanks to all the people who have taken the time to share their thoughts, insights, and perspectives.
Here is a preview! If you’re accessing this on mobile it may not display – if so, access it here!
A:”I am blind. How would you describe this owl?”
B:”Er, it’s a bird.”
A:”Okay, what does the bird look like?”
B:”It’s very beautiful.”
A:”…How exactly is it beautiful?!”
That’s essentially the conundrum that examiners face when they look at many descriptive writing essays written by students – the essays are often not detailed enough, they do not present sufficiently complex content, and they do not allow the person who is reading the essay to deeply and distinctly visualize the thing that the writer is trying to describe.
Well, this is what we’re going to address today!
IGCSE First Language English (0500) students often find descriptive writing for Descriptive Compositions to be a challenging yet rewarding aspect of the curriculum, specifically in Section B: Composition of Paper 2 of the IGCSE First Language English exam.
The thing is, crafting vivid and engaging descriptions requires a unique set of skills – it requires you to see details in the things that you look at, to be able to craft word pictures for people with great facility… And… You guessed it, it requires a deep understanding of the mark schemes!
In this blog post, we’ll share essential tips and strategies to help you excel in descriptive writing, ensuring that your essays align with the marking criteria and at the end of the day, contribute to your long-term development as a writer.
We will once again be examining the Cambridge sample mark scheme provided for Paper 2 on the Cambridge International website, focusing specifically on the criteria for Descriptive Writing, referencing Table A, Composition: Content and structure, and Table B, Composition: Style and accuracy as we think about what it means to write well according to the overlords of the IGCSE!
For each piece of advice, we will provide a justification that correlates with the band descriptors used to assign marks to your descriptive essays, helping you understand how to elevate your writing and achieve the highest possible marks through consistent practice, reading, and improvement.
Let’s get started!
- Create a Vivid and Convincing Picture:
A high-scoring descriptive essay presents a series of well-defined and developed ideas and images that create a convincing overall picture. Use sensory details, metaphors, similes, and precise vocabulary to paint a vivid picture of the scene, object, or person you are describing.
Another way to say this is also that you must learn to see a vivid and convincing picture. This is not a one-day process or something that you can achieve just by sitting down and thinking about things – rather, you must take the time to actually immerse yourself in the world around you and to ask yourself: What can I see in a flower? What can I see in a bird, a building, a tree? If you can only see that these things are merely the words that they code, then you may be missing a good part of narrative writing – for these things are exactly what you are being asked to look at, and then to describe.
These are two different skills:
You must first see an imagined reality that is convincing, beautiful, and consistent, then you must learn to communicate it. These are two separate skills, but they are both important.
Justification: According to the mark scheme, a top-scoring essay (14-16 marks) must have “content [that] is complex, engaging, and effective.” Creating a vivid and convincing picture fulfills these criteria by immersing readers in the world you have described and evoking strong emotional responses.
What this means in many cases is that you must go into detail.
For example, let’s suppose that you are describing a river as it flows down a mountain.
Do you simply describe the direction of the water, as in “the water flowed down the mountain, wetting the rocks as it moved swiftly downwards, pushing the grass aside as it coursed through towards the forests below”? Nope. You talk about its “sinuous reflectivity”, describe how it “almost seemed as if it was alive”, and you even move beyond that to talk about how the water “splashed about the rocks playfully”.
No sorry, that will not cut it.
To get a 6, you need to say something more along the lines of:
“A torrential cascade of crystal-clear water surged down the steep mountainside, its forceful currents carving intricate patterns in the rock face. As it rushed downward, the river’s glistening tendrils playfully danced around boulders and twisted through vibrant green grasses, leaving a mesmerizing trail of glistening droplets in its wake. As it approached the edge of the dense, verdant forest below, the water’s relentless momentum carried it through the shadows of the towering trees, their leaves shimmering as they swayed to the rhythm of the river’s eternal song.”
Why? Because it’s complex, engaging, effective. It allows you to immediately visualize the river as it flows down the mountain in a way that is unmistakable and truly vivid – It develops multiple different sentences in ways that allow the viewer to immerse themselves in the painting of words that’s been created – it creates something that’s distinct, absolutely clear to the memory, and that creates a strong impact in the reader.
Let’s move on to the next point! When you are describing…
Dear all,
Thank you for sharing our work and helping to advance the cause of First Language English in Malaysia!
Based on what I can see from this graph and also from the lovely comments of support out there, many of you are sharing this work far and wide to many different people around you; it would be difficult to imagine that 500 of you would have already visited the site in the short time that we have been active!
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I’ll have to interrupt that touching expression of gratitude for a while, because we are far from done; there are two specific things that I would like to raise today!
The first of these is the posting schedule of this site.
We will be posting on this site a minimum of once per week, although it may be more.
You may expect updates on the site to take place at minimum on either Tuesday by 5pm MYT, or by Friday at 5pm MYT.
Do check back once in a while, and you will find some content that you should be able to share and that I hope you will find valuable!
The second of these things is content suggestions.
This blog exist to serve your needs, and it will grow in the ways that you want to grow.
This is only natural, since any piece of writing, if it is to survive for any meaningful duration of time, must fulfil the needs of its audience.
Any piece of writing must accomplish the act of generating value for the audience as well – that is why we repeatedly ask you to consider the audience in your writing.
Let me put it more specifically to those of you who are students out there:
If what you are writing does not serve the needs of the person who is reading it, they will not read it willingly, and even if they do, they are unlikely to be impressed. Examiners often read scripts because they have to… It’s their job.
But what if you were so incredible at writing that you made your script a joy for them to read? What if you created an experience with your words that catalyzes something that they will discuss in their examiner reports (important – to be discussed) with a sense of joy and enthusiasm, and talk about when they share their experiences with their friends and family?
ANYWAY!
Here on this website, we have a sense of what you need as a result of our experiences with numerous students, teachers, tutoring sessions, and otherwise, and we will continue to go forth to bring you advice about writing, book reviews, guides towards writing well, sample essays (free and premium, updated regularly), and will transition as well.
Still, we are not perfect.
We are human.
We will do our very best and beyond to try to create a good resource with the best information, best guidance, everything…
But we will inevitably miss the mark, because we cannot know what is inside your hearts – but we hope to move closer and closer to directly catalyzing the sparks of innovation, the love for literature, the mastery of language that you deeply seek and that we know, since you are here, to be deeply important to you to master either to yourself, your family, or your future.
We cannot possibly know what goes on inside your heads, what you want, what direction your dreams will lead to.
With that in mind…
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And so, that’s it!
Thank you for being a part of this epic journey to improve English language mastery for the Cambridge IGCSE 0500 First Language English examination, it’s a joy to serve you all as always, and have an incredible one ahead!
Hello and happy starting the week, everyone!
As you know, Memberships are coming up, and while I did a little bit of testing of the membership system in this post, I’ve decided to simply release a sample essay that I created for IGCSE 0500 Directed Writing and Composition in the membership section right here, in the form of a descriptive essay that I hope is going to inspire you to achieve greater heights.
There are many things that I will personally be doing in the upcoming week, ranging from establishing the membership structures (which will involve creating a structure that will be valuable for you all and also fair and viable for the sake of launching and sustaining this site), getting the plans right, and also requesting institutional access – if it is possible, I would like for schools to offer the paid version of this resource to their students for free, although students and teachers may also request individual access as well (if you would like to assist, do speak to your head of school in order to make this product accessible!)
Anyway, do excuse my planning out loud.
Here’s the sample essay accompanied by associated commentary!
Descriptive Writing
Prompt: Describe the moment you receive some welcome news. (Question 3, IGCSE English 0500, Summer 2021, Question Paper 2, Variant 1).
Essay:
The languid afternoon sun cast its honeyed glow upon my bedroom, drenching my worn-out study desk in a warm embrace. Amidst the scattered papers and books, a small silver laptop blinked with an unassuming notification, a beacon of hope in the sea of academic debris. With trepidation, I reached out, my fingers hovering above the touchpad, hesitating. The weight of anticipation and dreams hung heavily in the air, suffocating me as I steeled myself to face the outcome.
As I clicked the email, my heart thundered in my chest, threatening to burst out of its cage. The words “Cambridge University” blazed across the screen like a brilliant constellation. My mind raced, a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, as I searched for the elusive verdict within the meticulously crafted message. Then, there it was – the phrase I had yearned for: “We are pleased to inform you…”
A tidal wave of euphoria surged through me, lifting me to the celestial heavens. The moment felt surreal, as though I were cradled in the gossamer embrace of a dream, too fragile to hold, too precious to release. My eyes stung with unshed tears, a kaleidoscope of gratitude, pride, and relief.
The room seemed to burst into life, as if sharing in my joy; the sun danced merrily on the windowsill, the leaves outside rustled in excited whispers, and the warm air hummed with the promise of a thousand possibilities. I leaped up, my laughter bubbling over, intertwining with the vibrant melody of the world outside.
With every heartbeat, my future unfurled before me – the hallowed halls of Cambridge, the scent of leather-bound books, the animated discussions echoing in lecture rooms, and the chance to shape a more just world. My journey to study Law at Cambridge had begun, and my spirit soared, ready to embrace the challenges and triumphs that lay ahead.
The prospect of studying Law at Cambridge held a profound significance for me. As a child, I had witnessed the transformative power of justice and the importance of equality in society. I dreamt of becoming a catalyst for change, of fighting for those who could not fight for themselves. With this acceptance, I had taken the first step towards realizing that dream.
I imagined the countless hours I would spend delving into the intricacies of legal systems, dissecting case studies, and engaging in spirited debates with my peers. This was my chance to learn from the brightest minds, to grow and hone my skills as an aspiring lawyer, and to forge a path that would enable me to make a tangible impact in the world.
My thoughts drifted to the formidable challenges that awaited me, from the rigorous academic demands to the inevitable moments of self-doubt. Yet, I found solace in knowing that I was prepared to embrace these obstacles, to learn and grow from each experience. The road ahead was daunting, but I welcomed it with open arms, eager to embark on this extraordinary journey.
Word count: 448
Comment:
The essay demonstrates excellence in content (W1) and structure (W2) by creating a complex, engaging, and effective narrative. The rich descriptions and vivid imagery (“honeyed glow,” “beacon of hope,” “brilliant constellation”) create an emotional impact on the reader, while the storyline is well-developed and unfolds progressively.
The essay also delves into the personal significance of studying Law, providing a more profound connection to the writer’s aspirations and dreams. This aspect contributes to the complexity and effectiveness of the content (W1).
The language used is precise and well-chosen (W3), with varied sentence structures that contribute to the overall impact of the essay. The consistent and appropriate register (W4) is suitable for the context, while the spelling, punctuation, and grammar are almost always accurate (W5), ensuring clarity and a smooth reading experience.
The structure (W2) of the essay is carefully managed, creating a balanced and deliberate effect. The essay begins with a captivating introduction, setting the scene and building anticipation. It then transitions smoothly into the revelation of the welcome news and the emotional response, followed by an exploration of the personal significance of studying Law and the future challenges. This structure allows the reader to connect with the writer’s emotions and aspirations on a deeper level.
In terms of improvement, the writer could potentially delve deeper into specific aspects of their passion for Law, sharing more personal anecdotes or experiences that led them to pursue this field. This would further enhance the emotional connection with the reader.
Additionally, the writer may consider learning from authors such as F. Scott Fitzgerald, known for his evocative descriptions and captivating prose. Studying Fitzgerald’s work, such as “The Great Gatsby,” could offer valuable insights into creating vivid imagery and further refining the writer’s descriptive skills.
In conclusion, the essay effectively meets the criteria (W1 to W5) and deserves a high grade due to its engaging content, well-managed structure, precise language, appropriate register, and accuracy in spelling, punctuation, and grammar. The vivid descriptions and the exploration of the personal significance of studying Law at Cambridge create a profound emotional impact on the reader, making this essay a compelling and memorable piece.
More IGCSE English 0500 sample answers for Descriptive Composition will be coming up soon, so stay tuned!
V.
Victor Tan
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