Dear Premium members, I’ve updated the Descriptive Essay Bank!
Sorry this has been a bit spotty, but a number of things has been happening, namely group class arrangements, multiple trips to foreign countries, becoming a full-fledged corporate trainer, conducting the largest corporate training in Top Glove history, becoming a certified Artificial Intelligence consultant, and various other things of that nature.
That aside, I’ve been really enjoying conducting classes and learning how to get better as a teacher – work has been stepping up though, so it’s been a busy and fruitful time not only moving towards some goals of my own, but also enjoying the process of growing as a teacher and a person.
None of those are actually good excuses, but I thought that they might be interesting for you to know 🙂
Hello everyone! I’ve been in Singapore this week meeting up with Mensa Singapore and also attending Singapore’s most prominent technology event, ATxSingapore.
With Cerventus and Johann from MalaysiaWith Mensa Singapore (we went to Korea together!)
It’s been a wonderful time of learning and experiencing, and needless to say, it’s been a busy time, but this week, it’s also been a pleasure to welcome a few of you into the group class that I’ve been conducting; I’ll speak more about that later, and look forward to welcoming more of you soon!
Anyway, here are two free narrative essays for you today, reflecting as always a deep emphasis on what is needed for you to succeed according to Cambridge’s criteria for excellence, which I hope you’ll find is very much aligned with the process of creating an engaging and entertaining story and which I hope you’ll remember to look at as you practice.
The first essay is provided on a free access basis to every single one of you, and to read the second one, you’ll need to have a free or premium site membership; do sign up, and enjoy the benefits!
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If you’d like to purchase our extremely well-reviewed book of essay samples (encompassing 2021 and 2022 narrative and descriptive essays), feel free to pick up your copy here 🙂
Meanwhile, enjoy the essays!
Prompt: Write a story which involves a mistake in the sending or receiving of a message.
Essay:
Amidst the cacophony of the bustling train station, Clara clutched her telegram with a fervor that turned her knuckles white. Time slipped like sand through fingers as the weight of the ink-laden paper bore into her soul. An unforeseen error in the telegram she sent to her brother, Anthony, during the Great War had summoned him to this very platform, moments away from embarking on his final mission.
Fleetingly, Clara recalled the hours spent crafting her message, each word imbued with love, comfort, and hope. A rogue tear traced its way down her pale cheek as she pondered the cruel twist of fate that a typographical mistake could wield such a devastating consequence.
Through the throngs of soot-stained travelers, a familiar silhouette took form. An ethereal beam of light seemed to crown Anthony’s war-weary head as they locked eyes. Embracing, the world around them momentarily faded into oblivion. His coarse uniform stood in stark contrast to the warmth of his presence.
“I’m here,” he whispered. “Your message, it brought me back.”
Clara’s heart throbbed painfully against her ribcage, each beat a plea for time to halt. The shrill whistle of the departing train gnawed at the air, and as they parted, she pressed a small envelope into his hand. “My heart goes with you,” she murmured.
Months later, a letter arrived, clad in military regalia. Her hands shook as she read the words of her brother’s comrade: “He spoke of you every night, and your letters were his sanctuary.”
As she clutched the envelope Anthony never opened, Clara realized the profundity of her unintended message. It had summoned him back to the tender embrace of love, if only for a fleeting moment.
Days turned to weeks and weeks to months, as Clara felt a part of her soul cleaved with her brother’s absence. In her room, the air heavy with dust and memories, she penned letters, one after the other, like laying bricks in the walls of a house she would never live in. They remained sealed, addresses blank; these were letters she could never send.
In the tapestry of her heart, each thread was woven with echoes of their last goodbye, and how an error, a mere butterfly, had sent ripples through their lives.
As the first snow of winter settled upon the graves of the soldiers, Clara stood before Anthony’s grave. She finally felt that the weight she had been carrying for months had lessened, as if the snow was taking some of it upon itself.
In her hand was the last letter she would ever write to him. She buried it there, with him, and whispered to the wind, “Wherever you are, find peace, for in your heart, I found mine.”
Comment:
The content (W1) is engaging and has depth, portraying the emotional journey of Clara. The additional details such as “letters she could never send” add layers to her character.
The structure (W2) is secure and well-balanced, with the addition of Clara’s life after receiving the military letter and her final act, providing a complete arc.
Precise vocabulary (W3) is used, such as “the tapestry of her heart”, evoking imagery. The register (W4) is consistent with a historical and emotional tone. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are accurate (W5).
To improve, the essay could delve into the moment of the error to enhance suspense. The phrase “the air heavy with dust and memories” could have included more sensory details.
A book such as “All the Light We Cannot See” by Anthony Doerr could be an invaluable resource for the writer. The novel’s use of intricate imagery, rich character development, and its ability to weave emotions through the tapestry of war could be especially beneficial. Emulating Doerr’s writing, the writer can further imbue the narrative with textured descriptions that breathe life into each scene.
Mark awarded for content and structure = 15/16 Mark awarded for style and accuracy = 23/24 Total marks awarded = 38/40
Welcome to the best Narrative Composition Bank for the IGCSE First Language English exam on the internet.
Some of the essays were written by students who are working with me or have worked with me in the past, students who would like to contribute their essays for grading, and each essay is graded by a teacher and moderated as well 🙂
Write a story which includes the words, ‘… nothing seemed to go right …’.
Variant 3
Write a narrative which includes the words, ‘… I thought I had the solution …’.
Write a narrative which involves having to follow a map.
Samples
2020
Prompt: Write a story with the title, ‘An unexpected meeting’
Essay:
The sun was setting, casting a golden hue upon the quiet forest. Emily, a young photographer, was engrossed in capturing the fleeting moment on her camera. As she moved deeper into the woods, searching for that perfect angle, she stumbled upon an ancient oak tree, its bark weathered with time.
Suddenly, an unexpected gust of wind blew through the trees, sending a shiver down Emily’s spine. The forest seemed to whisper a secret, one that felt almost tangible. Following her instincts, she pressed her ear against the oak and listened carefully.
To her surprise, the oak revealed a hidden door. It creaked open, revealing a dimly lit chamber within. As Emily stepped inside, she felt a strange sense of nostalgia, as if she had been here before. The walls were adorned with portraits of faces she recognized – her ancestors.
In that moment, time seemed to bend around them, and Emily found herself transported to a sunlit meadow, her great-grandfather by her side. He shared stories of their family history, tales filled with love, loss, and adventure. Emily felt a profound connection with the man who had been lost to her, but who now felt closer than ever.
As the sun dipped below the horizon, William’s voice softened, and he shared one final tale – a warning about a family curse that had brought tragedy to each generation. He entrusted Emily with the task of breaking the curse, arming her with the knowledge she would need to face it.
As they said their goodbyes, Emily felt a surge of determination. She would honor her great-grandfather’s memory and protect her family. With newfound purpose, she stepped back through the hidden door, ready to confront her destiny.
Comment:
This essay demonstrates excellence in content and structure (W1 and W2) by presenting a complex, engaging, and effective narrative with a strong plot that includes elements of fiction writing such as description, character development, and a climax. The descriptions, such as “a golden hue upon the quiet forest” and “the oak revealed a hidden door,” create vivid imagery that invests readers in the story.
The style and accuracy (W3, W4, and W5) are also strong, with precise, well-chosen vocabulary like “weathered,” “tangible,” and “nostalgia.” Varied sentence structures are chosen for effect, and the register is consistent and suitable for the context. The grammar, spelling, and punctuation are almost always accurate.
One phrase that could be improved is “his eyes piercing the darkness with their intensity.” A possible revision might be “his eyes cutting through the darkness, radiating intensity.” This change strengthens the imagery and enhances the overall emotional impact.
The structure of the essay is effective, with a gradual buildup of suspense leading to the climax and resolution. To further improve, the writer could study the works of renowned authors like Neil Gaiman, whose ability to create immersive worlds and engaging characters could inspire the writer to add depth to their own storytelling.
Mark awarded for content and structure = 15/16
Mark awarded for style and accuracy = 23/24
Total mark = 38/40
Prompt: Write a story with the title, ‘An unexpected meeting’
Essay:
The drizzling rain created an ethereal mist that enveloped the city like a forgotten dream. As Sarah strolled through the dimly lit streets, her thoughts wandered to the recent events that had left her heart heavy with sorrow. The air was damp, and the scent of petrichor hung heavily in the air, reflecting her melancholic mood. The once familiar town seemed alien to her now, as if it were a distant memory she could no longer grasp.
She found herself standing in front of an old, decrepit bookstore, its sagging shelves barely supporting the weight of the dusty tomes that lined them. The welcoming aroma of old paper and ink beckoned her inside, and she obliged, seeking refuge from the relentless drizzle outside. A solitary light illuminated the store, casting shadows that danced in the dark corners like wayward spirits.
As she meandered through the narrow aisles, her fingers trailed along the worn spines of the books, each one whispering a story that yearned to be told. Suddenly, her hand stopped on a particular volume, its frayed leather binding standing out from the rest. A sense of déjà vu washed over her, and she felt inexplicably drawn to it.
She pulled it from the shelf, and as she did, an old photograph slipped out from between its pages. It was a picture of her and a man she had once loved, now faded and yellowed with age. The sight of it brought back memories that had long been buried beneath the sands of time, and her heart ached with longing.
Just then, she felt a presence behind her. She turned around and found herself face-to-face with the very man from the photograph, his eyes filled with warmth and recognition. The years had etched new lines on his face, but the essence of him remained unchanged.
Their eyes locked, and for a moment, time stood still. The weight of the past dissolved, leaving only the tender resonance of shared memories. In that unexpected meeting, amidst the hallowed sanctuary of the forgotten bookstore, they found solace in one another’s presence, the tides of fate having brought them together once more.
Comment:
The essay effectively utilizes vivid descriptions and a well-defined plot (W1) to create a story that is emotionally impactful. The narrative builds up to an effective climax (W2) with the unexpected meeting between Sarah and the man from her past. The language employed is complex and engaging, with phrases such as “ethereal mist” and “yearned to be told” capturing the reader’s attention and contributing to the emotional impact (W3).
The essay demonstrates a consistent register suitable for the context (W4) and maintains accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar throughout (W5). One area for improvement is the transition between the introduction and the setting of the bookstore, which could be made smoother to enhance the story’s structure.
The writer might consider studying the works of Haruki Murakami, who expertly employs vivid imagery and emotional depth in his narratives, providing valuable inspiration for refining the writer’s own storytelling abilities.
